once upon a time, in the best kingdom on earth in the days when the best kingdom on earth was the strongest and best-armed kingdom on earth, there dwelt a very important King. this King was a wise King and a sad King who understood that duty was sometimes hard to do, but never backed down.
and the people were blessed with their King.
now in the best and most strong kingdom on earth, there dwelt a Magician who was also very wise but so proud and willful that he could not stand any rival to his authority. this Magician was the wise King's best friend and he had many enemies, especially among the left wing media.
it came to pass that the wise King's kingdom -- even though the best and best-armed place on earth -- was riven by arguments. some thought that the wise King was the best King on earth and others that the wise King was not very wise at all. and at the last, one highly-placed unnamed courtier performed The Unspeakable Act and outed a CIA agent to the press.
the wise and righteous King was amazed that one of his subjects could be so wicked and vowed to search high and low throughout his kingdom to punish the evildoer.
one evening a man in the peculiar garb of a Times Magazine Reporter arrived at the wise King's court. he told the King he knew the best secret in the world. "i will tell you my secret, " he said, "but you must promise to stand by your word and do your duty -- no matter how hard it might be. if you do not keep your promise, you will lose the thing most dear to you."
the wise and noble King eagerly promised to keep his word and do his duty. and the Time Magazine Reporter told him the best secret in the world: the name of the evildoer who performed The Unspeakable Act. at this, the wise and righteous King was filled with dismay for the name that he heard was none other than that of his best friend, the Magician.
"now, do as you've promised and punish the evildoer, " commanded the Times Magazine Reporter.
"but i cannot," cried the wise and troubled King. "the Magician is my best friend! my right hand man!"
"then you have chosen to lose the thing most dear to you." said the Times Magazine Reporter, sadly. he disappeared in a puff of reddish smoke.
the King sat in silence and thought that he did not at all like the Times Magazine Reporter.
suddenly there was a great noise as if a large curtain was being ripped apart and the King's room was flooded with blue light. everything became quiet as death.
and then nothing at all happened.
the King and the Magician lived happily ever after and the people of the kingdom were blessed with their King in the best kingdom on earth in the days when the best kingdom on earth was the strongest and best-armed kingdom.
