since last posting, but the last two years have pretty much sucked and the last six weeks have been the equivalent of a protracted battle with cancer.
actually the last six weeks included an actual battle with cancer (lost) only not so protracted. so there's that.
anyway, today on to better, newer, more snarky topics.
coming soon: new beckett interp.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, August 25, 2005
A Grimm Tale Not to Be Forgotten.
once upon a time, in the best kingdom on earth in the days when the best kingdom on earth was the strongest and best-armed kingdom on earth, there dwelt a very important King. this King was a wise King and a sad King who understood that duty was sometimes hard to do, but never backed down.
and the people were blessed with their King.
now in the best and most strong kingdom on earth, there dwelt a Magician who was also very wise but so proud and willful that he could not stand any rival to his authority. this Magician was the wise King's best friend and he had many enemies, especially among the left wing media.
it came to pass that the wise King's kingdom -- even though the best and best-armed place on earth -- was riven by arguments. some thought that the wise King was the best King on earth and others that the wise King was not very wise at all. and at the last, one highly-placed unnamed courtier performed The Unspeakable Act and outed a CIA agent to the press.
the wise and righteous King was amazed that one of his subjects could be so wicked and vowed to search high and low throughout his kingdom to punish the evildoer.
one evening a man in the peculiar garb of a Times Magazine Reporter arrived at the wise King's court. he told the King he knew the best secret in the world. "i will tell you my secret, " he said, "but you must promise to stand by your word and do your duty -- no matter how hard it might be. if you do not keep your promise, you will lose the thing most dear to you."
the wise and noble King eagerly promised to keep his word and do his duty. and the Time Magazine Reporter told him the best secret in the world: the name of the evildoer who performed The Unspeakable Act. at this, the wise and righteous King was filled with dismay for the name that he heard was none other than that of his best friend, the Magician.
"now, do as you've promised and punish the evildoer, " commanded the Times Magazine Reporter.
"but i cannot," cried the wise and troubled King. "the Magician is my best friend! my right hand man!"
"then you have chosen to lose the thing most dear to you." said the Times Magazine Reporter, sadly. he disappeared in a puff of reddish smoke.
the King sat in silence and thought that he did not at all like the Times Magazine Reporter.
suddenly there was a great noise as if a large curtain was being ripped apart and the King's room was flooded with blue light. everything became quiet as death.
and then nothing at all happened.
the King and the Magician lived happily ever after and the people of the kingdom were blessed with their King in the best kingdom on earth in the days when the best kingdom on earth was the strongest and best-armed kingdom.
and the people were blessed with their King.
now in the best and most strong kingdom on earth, there dwelt a Magician who was also very wise but so proud and willful that he could not stand any rival to his authority. this Magician was the wise King's best friend and he had many enemies, especially among the left wing media.
it came to pass that the wise King's kingdom -- even though the best and best-armed place on earth -- was riven by arguments. some thought that the wise King was the best King on earth and others that the wise King was not very wise at all. and at the last, one highly-placed unnamed courtier performed The Unspeakable Act and outed a CIA agent to the press.
the wise and righteous King was amazed that one of his subjects could be so wicked and vowed to search high and low throughout his kingdom to punish the evildoer.
one evening a man in the peculiar garb of a Times Magazine Reporter arrived at the wise King's court. he told the King he knew the best secret in the world. "i will tell you my secret, " he said, "but you must promise to stand by your word and do your duty -- no matter how hard it might be. if you do not keep your promise, you will lose the thing most dear to you."
the wise and noble King eagerly promised to keep his word and do his duty. and the Time Magazine Reporter told him the best secret in the world: the name of the evildoer who performed The Unspeakable Act. at this, the wise and righteous King was filled with dismay for the name that he heard was none other than that of his best friend, the Magician.
"now, do as you've promised and punish the evildoer, " commanded the Times Magazine Reporter.
"but i cannot," cried the wise and troubled King. "the Magician is my best friend! my right hand man!"
"then you have chosen to lose the thing most dear to you." said the Times Magazine Reporter, sadly. he disappeared in a puff of reddish smoke.
the King sat in silence and thought that he did not at all like the Times Magazine Reporter.
suddenly there was a great noise as if a large curtain was being ripped apart and the King's room was flooded with blue light. everything became quiet as death.
and then nothing at all happened.
the King and the Magician lived happily ever after and the people of the kingdom were blessed with their King in the best kingdom on earth in the days when the best kingdom on earth was the strongest and best-armed kingdom.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Rapture Update; A Helpful Feature
It has come to my attention that we on the secular humanist side do not take our commitments to The Rapture at all seriously. i suspect this is because we are too busy with The Things That Are Caesar's, but i find it inauspicious all the same. therefore (and – in the way of all academic study – having found a perfect reference) i propose to bring us all up to speed.
first a couple of notes:
1. my reference is a delightful website, fittingly called "Rapture Ready" – which we patently are not. i will pass on the wisdoms of "Rapture Ready" and attempt to add helpful commentary or secular clarifications as needed.
2. "Rapture Ready" includes an all too vivid but nonetheless helpful ‘rapture index’, which they liken to the DJIA – only without the blue chips stock part. it takes into account all those pesky warning signs that we of The Things That Are Caesar's are too busy to notice. so you can think of it – and Philosophy and Fuflans – as your Morningstar Report for End-Time...
3. "Rapture Ready" also likens the "Rapture Index" to some kind of apocalyptic "speedometer" but i just can’t get my mind around that, so we’ll stick with the DJIA...
4. the "Rapture Index" includes 45 criteria for evaluating our approaching doom. i will only be discussing a few of these criteria at any given time. as i’m sure you are all aware, there are just too many Things That Are Caesar's for us to cope with 45 End-Time variables at once.
5. the "Rapture Index" is summed in a total number (0 to something beyond 145, as far as i can tell), with four categorical breakdowns:
1. 85 and lower
secular translation: bill clinton is re-elected; The Beast is ascendant
2. 85 to 110
secular translation: al gore is elected; The Beast gets a day job at the UN.
3. 110 to 145
secular translation: warren beatty is elected; The Beast is reading "Harry Potter".
4. 145+
secular translation: GAME OVER MMMMANNNNN!!
these breakdowns appear rather arbitrary to me, but as i am a Child of Caesar, what do i know?
so. enough notes...
We start out this exercise – January 6, 2005 – with a "Rapture Index" rating of 155.
we're already screwed.
more tomorrow. if you find one...
first a couple of notes:
1. my reference is a delightful website, fittingly called "Rapture Ready" – which we patently are not. i will pass on the wisdoms of "Rapture Ready" and attempt to add helpful commentary or secular clarifications as needed.
2. "Rapture Ready" includes an all too vivid but nonetheless helpful ‘rapture index’, which they liken to the DJIA – only without the blue chips stock part. it takes into account all those pesky warning signs that we of The Things That Are Caesar's are too busy to notice. so you can think of it – and Philosophy and Fuflans – as your Morningstar Report for End-Time...
3. "Rapture Ready" also likens the "Rapture Index" to some kind of apocalyptic "speedometer" but i just can’t get my mind around that, so we’ll stick with the DJIA...
4. the "Rapture Index" includes 45 criteria for evaluating our approaching doom. i will only be discussing a few of these criteria at any given time. as i’m sure you are all aware, there are just too many Things That Are Caesar's for us to cope with 45 End-Time variables at once.
5. the "Rapture Index" is summed in a total number (0 to something beyond 145, as far as i can tell), with four categorical breakdowns:
1. 85 and lower
secular translation: bill clinton is re-elected; The Beast is ascendant
2. 85 to 110
secular translation: al gore is elected; The Beast gets a day job at the UN.
3. 110 to 145
secular translation: warren beatty is elected; The Beast is reading "Harry Potter".
4. 145+
secular translation: GAME OVER MMMMANNNNN!!
these breakdowns appear rather arbitrary to me, but as i am a Child of Caesar, what do i know?
so. enough notes...
We start out this exercise – January 6, 2005 – with a "Rapture Index" rating of 155.
we're already screwed.
more tomorrow. if you find one...
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
ruminations on silvio.
i have decided that if you must have a self-righteous right-winger with imperialist tendencies as your leader, it is far far better to have one that is sexist, frequently in trouble with the law and routinely offends the e.u... it is best of all if that same self-righteous right-winger with imperialist tendencies is a staunch defender of your nation's cheese.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
some secular bile
i don't think the problem lies with the democrats or their message or their strategies or kerry's election campaign or political consultants or right wing morality or left wing populism or the politics of hope vs. despair.
i think in fact, a portion of our citizenry is basically a bunch of under-educated medieval peasants who fear the witch and the homosexual and the darkening of the seasons by lucifer. somehow -- unwisely in my book -- we've let them believe that they can leave the demesne without their lord's permission, speak without mockery and vote.
so the good news is we can stop beating ourselves up. the bad news is that those wattle and daub houses are REALLY unsanitary. also, it's likely the Albigensians were ahead of their time too and look how well THAT ended.
i think in fact, a portion of our citizenry is basically a bunch of under-educated medieval peasants who fear the witch and the homosexual and the darkening of the seasons by lucifer. somehow -- unwisely in my book -- we've let them believe that they can leave the demesne without their lord's permission, speak without mockery and vote.
so the good news is we can stop beating ourselves up. the bad news is that those wattle and daub houses are REALLY unsanitary. also, it's likely the Albigensians were ahead of their time too and look how well THAT ended.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
more evidence from the red states
now, those of you who know me, will verify i am far more likely to do this sort of exercise with the EU, but hey! who am i to overlook the bountiful pickings from our red state brethren...
FLORIDA Courtesy of the BBC, november 17 2004
Woman 'blessed by the holy toast'
A half-eaten slice of elderly cheese on toast purportedly showing the image of the Virgin Mary has attracted 100,000 hits on the eBay auction website. A Florida woman put the sandwich up for sale, saying it has brought her great luck since she found it 10 years ago.
"I made this sandwich 10 years ago. When I took a bite out of it, I saw a face looking up at me - it was Virgin Mary starring (sic) back at me. I was in total shock," she explained.
Mrs Duyser has since kept the toastie surrounded by cotton wool, in a plastic container on a stand.
OHIO from cnn, november 17 2004
CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) -- A television news anchor appeared on the air nude in a first-person report about an artist's photographs, drawing a record number of viewers for the time slot, the station said.
Monday night's newscast received a record 17.1 share, compared with the 13.6 earned during the newscast airing immediately after this year's Super Bowl, according to Broadcasting & Cable, an industry publication.
GEORGIA, AP november 17 2004
MARIETTA, Ga. (AP) -- Two seventh-grade girls were arrested on charges that they served poisoned cake at their middle school cafeteria to about a dozen students who became ill and had to be taken to the hospital.
Lawyers for the girls said the cake was a prank, and that they had no intention to harm anyone. Lab tests showed the icing on the cornbread cake contained an expired prescription drug, bleach, clay and tabasco sauce.
love you all,
ljm
FLORIDA Courtesy of the BBC, november 17 2004
Woman 'blessed by the holy toast'
A half-eaten slice of elderly cheese on toast purportedly showing the image of the Virgin Mary has attracted 100,000 hits on the eBay auction website. A Florida woman put the sandwich up for sale, saying it has brought her great luck since she found it 10 years ago.
"I made this sandwich 10 years ago. When I took a bite out of it, I saw a face looking up at me - it was Virgin Mary starring (sic) back at me. I was in total shock," she explained.
Mrs Duyser has since kept the toastie surrounded by cotton wool, in a plastic container on a stand.
OHIO from cnn, november 17 2004
CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) -- A television news anchor appeared on the air nude in a first-person report about an artist's photographs, drawing a record number of viewers for the time slot, the station said.
Monday night's newscast received a record 17.1 share, compared with the 13.6 earned during the newscast airing immediately after this year's Super Bowl, according to Broadcasting & Cable, an industry publication.
GEORGIA, AP november 17 2004
MARIETTA, Ga. (AP) -- Two seventh-grade girls were arrested on charges that they served poisoned cake at their middle school cafeteria to about a dozen students who became ill and had to be taken to the hospital.
Lawyers for the girls said the cake was a prank, and that they had no intention to harm anyone. Lab tests showed the icing on the cornbread cake contained an expired prescription drug, bleach, clay and tabasco sauce.
love you all,
ljm
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
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